The Relationship Game: It's getting real

“I just have to accept that I’ve fallen for you quite a bit.”

Once the words are out, they aren't so easy to take back. You didn't even really mean to say them, they didn't take shape in your head before they rolled off your tongue, and now they're here. How will you react?

• Cautious acceptance. You are not quite ready for another love, but sometimes you have to take what life offers if you don't want to lose it. Turn to page 55: New beginnings.

• Almost immediate regret followed by months and months of denial interrupted by jealousy and bouts of passionate enthusiasm. You are gambling with happiness, but doesn't that make it more exciting? Turn to page 87: "Maybe that means that you can handle me."

• Feelings change. Avoid seeing your partner for an extended period of time, focus on other things, and write someone else when you're feeling itchy for a Friday night fuck. You're too young to settle down, and she will heal in time. [Game over]

#MeToo and Power corrupts

New York Times: What Happens to #MeToo When a Feminist Is the Accused?

Jezebel: What Are We to Make of the Case of Scholar Avital Ronell?

Most of us experience reality through filters: ideologies, basic beliefs, good and bad. But it requires active, constantly developing (self-)critical examination.

It's easy to conclude that general tendencies also determines specific truths. It's easier to think that the bad people aren't the ones you know. But easy isn't the same as true, and good people do bad things.

In the case of Avital Ronell, who was recently suspended from New York University on charges of sexual harassment, maybe she is just a misunderstood eccentric - although one might argue that pet names such as "cock-er spaniel" and "sweet cuddly baby" really aren't a necessary part of advising PhD students. I have no way of knowing if NYU is suspending her because of hard evidence or to avoid bad PR. But neither, really, does Judith Butler and Slavoj Žižek when they and many other star intellectuals write to the university this May that:

"Although we have no access to the confidential dossier, we have all worked for many years in close proximity to Professor Ronell and accumulated collectively years of experience to support our view of her capacity as teacher and a scholar, but also as someone who has served as Chair of both the Departments of German and Comparative Literature at New York University."

"We deplore the damage that this legal proceeding causes her, and seek to register in clear terms our objection to any judgment against her.  We hold that the allegations against her do not constitute actual evidence, but rather support the view that malicious intention has animated and sustained this legal nightmare."

"As you know, Professor Ronell has changed the course of German Studies, Comparative Literature, and the field of philosophy and literature over the years of her teaching, writing, and service.  She is responsible for building the field of literary studies at New York University, but also throughout Europe as a result of her brilliant scholarship and spirit of intellectual generosity."*

Just because you know someone, just because they are brilliant literary scholars or leading feminists or really nice when you're around does not mean they always act that way. Reality is complicated, and only by understanding that, I think, will we be able to really change it.

...

Interestingly, the arguments against Reitman are strangely familiar (paraphrased): 'he took too long to report the harassment, his superior is very influential in her field, he gained influence and popularity from her favoritism so he must have wanted it, that's just the way she is, he is just angry he isn't as succesful as her.'

And then there's the new interesting additions: 'he's gay and from Israel, so...' and 'because of the cultural history of patriarchal repression, only men can be sexual harassers, regardless of who holds the power in the current situation.' 

P.s. You should all read The Power by Naomi Alderman

*The quotes are from a version of the letter uploaded to Leiter Reports: A Philosophy Blog. I haven't been able to confirm its origins, but the responses of those who have signed it suggest that it is at least mostly as they sent it. 

I killed myself as creator

I taught myself to love loneliness because I had no choice, and it gave me talent, drive, and ambition. With time I lost the need to love it, and I forgot to practice. When I find myself alone, I am now afraid. I know not what to do or where to put my hands.

I am too much and I feel every sharp edge with a keen pain bordering on pleasure, and I drag myself along walls to make sure I sense every change in texture. I collect moments. I trace lines in bodies I care for to remember how they are built and claim people's bones for myself. I crawl close to you and stare intently with my mole-girl eyes at your chest to imprint on my mind the pattern of your body hair and the little cluster of stars just under and a little to the left of your heart. Or the scars on your knees. Or the deep pin-hole wells of emptiness scattered in your irises.
I get anxiety attacks that can only be cured by:
remembering I am my own person and can take back my life and "promise no one has to die"
your calm voice telling me that everything will be okay
getting the fuck away from everything.

I am too much and I hate it. I will buy a new suitcase (Expensive. Red leather, vintage) and pack down all my feelings and desires and expectations and hopes along with the ripped-off keys of my keyboard and get the fuck out of here. The blank page'll take the too much until just I am.