onsdag den 1. marts 2017

Let us help you to help yourself

- Hello, excuse me, is this the number of the government sanctioned self-hospillization clinic for women with nervous tendencies?

- Yes, I'll hold.

- No, I did not recently start experiencing these cramping sensations of utter powerlessness in which my entire system seems to shut down as a reaction to the discepancy between society's expectations of me and what I feel I am able to live up to. They've lasted for, I don't know, weeks? Years?

- Really? Okay. Yes. Yes, I'll wait. I've been waiting all my life.

phone queue music plays in the background.

- Hi, yes. I don't know. Should I think of my mother's last miserable moments before she died a lot? It's all been a bit fuzzy.

- I mean, more than normally?

- I know that it's not unusual, it's just... I don't know why I get up in the morning.

- Yes. Yes, I'll hold.

- Hello. Yes, I'm sorry. I'm feeling a deep sense of existential dread, am I speaking to the right person? I'm worried I won't be able to continue

- Yes, Sir.

- I'm sorry. I didn't think of that/them/the future of society at large. I will.

The Global American Dream is in YOUR fragile hands. Pick up the phone today if you are beginning to feel yourself fall apart, and we will have someone tell you it Will Be All Right If You Just Get a Grip and Get On With It Because Who Will if You Do Not? TRUST in Us when you cannot trust in yourself. The number for the patriarchal help-line can be found on the back of statistically every third milk carton you buy, and if you call us from home rather than, say, from your lover's car phone or from a diner next to the highway leading out of town, you get the first five minutes for free.